| the sound of settling. |
[19. November, 2008 | 07:24 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | the weepies - orbiting | ] |
it occurred to me a few days ago that the spark to share my thoughts on these virtual pages has been absent for quite some time. no real explanation is in the works, but i will say my emotional landscapes have been quite dull for quite some time. i'm not sure why, but i'm very sure how.
the last few weeks (months?) have felt weirdly numb and a little quiet on the general front. the time i thought we would have more of to ourselves hasn't proved to exactly end up that way. while i'm shuffling to and from my job, wondering when a little more passion on my part is going to kick in, kirby has been working and traveling nonstop, sometimes six days out of a week. in fact, he's back in oceanside right now after working a 14 hour day yesterday up here. remember all those scattered posts over the last several months where i promised ourselves in print that we would work on things, move forward, deal with this or that vague issue? no such luck. there has been such a lack of working on both of our parts that it's developed into sad for me, unsure for him, and frustration for us both. i need a stark, sharp reason to dive back in and it's not here. it's morphed into bottom lines like me crying too much and him having only a few spare hours to shut off his brain in between the rest of his working life.
and i thought i would just say,
i hate this.
the good news is that i'm finally settling a little more into my apartment after a long period of time with several things askew. and there has been a little time to work on new projects. i'm in the middle of making the stitch 'n' bitch baby blanket for heather, and about to start a beautiful scarf for kirby soon (which will serve as a not-so-secret christmas present).
and if we're still chatting about projects, i guess suing my former landlord in small claims is another project i'll be working on soon. he/she/it who doesn't have a name until i head to city hall for some sleuthing is withholding a ridiculous and unlawful amount of my deposit, and giving me the stupid kind of runaround. i'm kind of angry/anxious about this situation, especially considering that i borrowed the same amount i'm rightfully owed from my mom and from kirby to pay for the security deposit at the new place. but, they are both being super supportive and encouraging me to kick this person's ass until i get my money. so, i'm grateful for that.
i'm supposed to be at opening night of the arabian nights at berkeley rep tonight, but after staying at work and fighting with flash until 6:30, the idea of paying for dinner out and getting home close to midnight was far from appealing. the good news it that instead i get to curl up in my little space here and make a cheap dinner, work on aforementioned baby blanket, and watch pushing daisies in real time.
the city finally came to its senses and cooled back down to a comfortable fall chill yesterday. if kirby finally stops traveling soon, if we finally get to just be alone for a couple of days, if nonprofit theaters don't run into the ground just yet, if i can save up enough money for a real vacation (or two) next year, and if i can get a good night's sleep without crazy fucked up dreams for at least of couple of nights this week... i think all will be okay. |
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