[ like rain ] - too much for twitter. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
b l u e m e k k a

[  resolution  |  discovered  ]
[  identity  |  unmasked  ]
[  time  |  revealed  ]
[  souls  |  connect  ]
[  thoughts  |  return  ]

too much for twitter. [13. May, 2009 | 07:58 pm]
Previous Entry Add to Memories Tell a Friend Next Entry
i really, really hate the fact that i will have to look back on these last few months as a period of frustration and disappointment, a time of little growth and (it feels like) little to show for it all.

i'm irritable, sleep dep'ed, picking fights with kirby for not exceptionally good reasons, emotional, insecure, annoyed, out of shape, and not really enjoying life the way i'd like to be. i feel exactly the same way i did when i took on my last big freelance/coding project and IT SUCKS. i hate the person i am when i'm dealing with all of this crap i know nothing about, and only very slowly kind of getting somewhere. i started out optimistic about this project, about maybe learning a few things, but now i'm over it. OVER IT. i want to be happy, relaxed, working on all the small little projects i've had to set aside for months. instead i'm picking fights with kirby (yep, called him crying again last night and immediately regretted it after he started, in a trying tone, to tell me that i always do this and, according to all rules of practicality, i'll eventually figure it out). NOT GOOD ENOUGH. i just want a damn hug over the phone. i want someone to tell me it's going to be okay. and i want them to go see a play with me that we planned to see for two weeks instead of it all ending in a giant big cloud of fail.

rawr. i was counting the days down until i was done with this weeks ago, but now i can't anymore because it's still not none, and it's still not close to done.

now for another livejournal reminder. i am never, never doing freelance work again. okay!

okay.
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: [info]drewfansler
2009-05-14 05:53 am (UTC)

(Link)

For how many years have you been saying this? I'm counting at least four.

It'll get better—when the check comes.
[User Picture]From: [info]bluemekka
2009-05-14 05:58 am (UTC)

(Link)

I KNOW!!! the work i did for peggy over the last 2-3 years was minimal -- a couple hours a month. but i know you remember what it was like when i was coding her site too. this is that kind of pain x the pain of building a shopping cart + the pain of creating a paypal managed online store that is perfect.

and that = stress.

at least i'm doing this for a friend (and yes, there will be a check involved), and said friend has been very forgiving so far. not so sure if i've been so forgiving to myself, however.
[User Picture]From: [info]drewfansler
2009-05-14 06:06 am (UTC)

(Link)

It was her project where I decided that I wasn't cut out for career freelancing. She was...a piece of work.

I just sent over the layered files for the Showdown '09 site—that makes eight years running, but who's counting—and t-shirt art for the Campus Five went out yesterday.
[User Picture]From: [info]angelkissz857
2009-05-14 04:27 pm (UTC)

(Link)

hey, if you ever need a happy hour buddy, you know I will be there!

Or dinner or whatevs. You are cool beans Ms. Blue Mekka.
[User Picture]From: [info]mteson
2009-05-14 09:31 pm (UTC)

(Link)

Times like these are what cats are for ;)